Bored. I might go downstairs and have a creme egg or something in a bit. I'm annoyed at my laptop, cuz the mouse clicky things have gone all weird. They don't let me do stuff unless I hammer them down really hard, so I've had to do that stupid tapping thing where you tap the pad instead. It's like they're dead. They do down, but it just feels wrong, like it's not doing what it's meant to. And dad, I'm not letting you near my laptop unless you know what you're doing. No, if you want to look at it, get someone who's good at it. I know what you're like with technology. Everything you touch burns.
I was reading a book before. Pig-Heart Boy, by Malorie Blackman. I don't like her much - she writes the same way as Jacqueline Wilson; as if kids are idiots, and with the same characters in all her stories, just under different names (i.e. Jacqueline Wilson's inability to write about people who's parents aren't dead or evil.)
Pig-Heart Boy is about this guy called Cameron Kelsey. Supposedly one of the smartest in his year, same age as me - but he (don't think I'm overreacting) says 'bop'. No child in their right minds will have said that for the past forty years. It's the kind of word that only adults say seriously - the kind that were born as adults, or grown out of a plant pot.
the main gist of the story is that he had a viral infection two years ago, that has permanently affected his heart. He can't do anything without feeling ill. He has months to live, and all his parents do is fight constantly. Then this guy, Dr Bryce offers him the chance to take part in experimental treatment, where they take out his heart and implant a pig's one - you know, because they have the special slightly-human-pigs. Cameron says yes, has the operation, feels fine. Goes back to school and he's famous, because his best friend sold the story to the papers. He thinks he's dead cool all of a sudden, and starts mouthing off to everyone. He shuts up though, when the girl he likes says she won't go near him because she thinks he's festering with pig diseases that are mutating to infect humans. That's where I've read up to. It's average at best.
I can't remember how the subject came up, but me and mum ended up talking about lard last night. It came to mum saying,
"You are familiar with the concept of lard, aren't you?" the concept of lard?
They had a thing on radio 1 before. Like a 'guess who I am' thing, and they had someone talking through a voice-changer and giving clues.
"I drive a Volvo."
"I will never celebrate my 18th birthday."
"I'm not a massive fan of dogs."
"I would beat Ussain Bolt in a race." there's one other clue that I can't remember. It's not, as some suggested, Jeremy Clarkson, but Edward Cullen from Twilight. You don't even have to have read the books to know that from the facts. That he drives a silver Volvo is mentioned in pretty much every mini factfile about him. It's in the film. In the trailer for Twilight, he says he's been 17 for a very long time. Everyone knows vampires are fast. He doesn't like dogs because vampires don't like werewolves, more specifically because he's worried that the werewolf Jacob Black is a danger to Bella Swan. what idiot thinks that Jeremy Clarkson is anything like that?
I'm definitely going to go and get something to eat now. I don't have a massive apetite right now, but I just get peckish at various moments throughout the day.
And a question for you: If a calabash exists, what is it? If not, what would it be?
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